Boris was the man we were all waiting for, whilst sipping Champagne surrounded by the most amazing panoramic view of London from the ninth floor of City Hall. This isn’t design, but it was the launch of the London Design Festival.
A blonde quaff could be seen bobbing above the diverse crowd he had arrived, in his useful fashion, late. Or so we were told by the city hall paparazzi, who shall remain nameless so he can retain his job. He strikes me as man who likes his sleep, an avid advocate of the snooze button.
Boris took to the stage after some light banter, and continued his patter to the amusement of the crowd. If you haven’t been in the presence of Boris giving a speech, do try to catch him as it will suddenly become apparent as to how he blagged becoming major.
His speech, surprising recited from his own handwritten notes, meandered around the ingenious and creative nature of British creatives, with a tenuous yet highly amusing anecdote about a company in Walthamstow selling chocolate cakes with a foreign sounding name, umlauts and all, to a foreign country. Needless to say this story was delivered with a gentle bashing of anybody actually wanting to visit Walthamstow, combined with a smackering of an ‘us and them’ mentality which is a favourite pastime of old time, colonial leftovers, French bashing.
The story progressed to what seemed a much more controversial topic. The omission of the Thames River from the redesign of some tube graphics, needless to say Boris exhumed his mayoral powers to set things straight, restoring the Thames to its rightful place, allegedly.
After the talk, it was time for the story about the tube map that was slightly less well publicized. A young designer we have had the pleasure of working with in the past had designed a spoof tube map that features all the routes available on the much disputed ‘bendy’ bused. Ripping apart the design of the bus, the
lack of integrity in the bus system and the lack common sense that resulted in wide spread free travel, the map was called Happy Transport For London. This by design looks similar to existing TFL maps, and in concept is similar to the Great Bear, although unlike that well renowned brand asset, this map is not available in the Transport museum gift shop. It is now thoroughly ceased and desisted.
After explaining this to Boris, who is known for his dislike of bendy buses and championing of the Route master, he nodded, smiled and drank some more Champagne. I don’t blame the man, after me a hoard of eager designers rammed their stories down the poor man’s ears. I’m sure the only thing that got him through was being safe in the knowledge that he didn’t give a damn. His appearance, booked several months in advance, came to a precise 27 minute end, Boris left the building. Onto his next well booked appearance, where no doubt he gave another amusing speech that meandered around the topic, in an all so adorable cuddly crazy uncle way, which perfectly disguised the fact that this was just one more event that he had to attend.
Words: Ian Atkins
Image: Edward Vince
Video: Matthew Carrozo www.carrozo.net
Tags: Boris Johnson, Champagne, London Design Festival